Why So Many of Us Feel Exhausted, And Why Resilience at Work Needs a Rethink

Cognitive Load, Uncertainty and the “Always-On” Mind: Why We’re All So Tired

I Googled the word resilience, and got this definition:

“The capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”

And of course, that’s the version of resilience most of us grew up with.

For years, society sold us the idea that resilience = endurance.
Keep going. Push through. Absorb more pressure. Stay positive no matter what.

We heard it in films, at the pub, from colleagues proudly saying things like:

“I worked until 11pm last night and was back in at 7.”

Historically, there’s been almost a badge of honour in pushing to breaking point. People were rewarded for it through promotions, pay rises,  with comments like, “Gary put the work in,” or “He’s put in the hours.”

Even in workplaces, schools and sometimes even therapy, resilience training looked like:

“Here’s how to be stronger so you don’t break.”

The problem?

This isn’t resilience. It’s survival mode.

When resilience is reduced to nothing more than “toughness,” it breeds fear. Fear of slowing down because it might be seen as laziness. Fear of being judged. Fear of asking for help, which usually hides an underlying fear of failing, or of people discovering we don’t always have it all figured out.

And when life eventually catches up, because it always does, we think we’re the problem.

We think we’ve failed at being resilient.

I say this because I’ve lived it. For years, “pushing through” was practically who I thought I was. Then came the moment when I simply couldn’t push anymore. And when you’ve built your whole identity around being strong, confronting your own humanity can feel utterly terrifying.

This is the danger of treating resilience as a fixed trait. It doesn’t allow us to be human, to fluctuate, to need rest and support.

Are We Redefining Resilience?

We’re beginning to redefine what resilience actually means. It’s becoming less about sheer endurance and more about flexibility, agility, and the capacity to adapt. We’re gradually learning to appreciate the people who know when to pause, rest, or change direction. Bit by bit, the question is shifting from “How tough are you?” to “How adaptable are you?”

And when we pay attention, real resilience is often found in how someone responds to difficulty, not how much difficulty they can tolerate.

A story that stuck with me

I once worked with a woman who had survived years of trauma while raising a teenage son alone, managing PTSD, and studying to improve her career.

Week after week, she sat in therapy feeling like a “failure” because she “couldn’t cope with everything.”

She wasn’t sleeping. She was caught in a cycle of relentless flashbacks and nightmares from her trauma. She was exhausted, but she kept trying to push on.

hen, in one session, after we’d spent some time reflecting together, she said:

“I think I need to pause my course. I can’t give it what it needs right now.”

And in that moment, one of those powerful moments you sometimes get to witness as a therapist, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Because this was resilience.

Not the pushing.
Not the enduring.
Not the quiet suffering.

Resilience was in her ability to adapt, to say “this isn’t working”. To make a choice that required strength, self awareness and courage.

Because pushing on with what’s familiar, even when it's no longer working for us isn’t resilience. It’s fear showing up as strength.

Why we’re all struggling right now

Something’s been shifting over the past few years. Almost everyone I speak to socially, clinically, professionally says the same thing:

“I’m just so mentally exhausted.”

Since COVID-19, many of us exist in a constant state of cognitive overload.
Not physical burnout, but a more mental burnout. Work has shifted from being physically demanding to being cognitively demanding. 

As lovely as its felt to be able to work home, hybrid working has blurred the line between work and life, piled on digital overload, and left us dealing with nonstop Teams notifications. The whole work landscape is shifting. Organisations are under pressure, restructures are everywhere, and AI is reshaping systems overnight, meaning we’re always having to learn something new. Our brains weren’t built for this. We’re constantly “on,” constantly processing, constantly readjusting. No wonder resilience feels harder right now.

The world has changed faster than our nervous systems can adapt.

The Endurance Narrative Doesn’t work in this “High-Cognitive World”

We all know uncertainty ramps up anxiety,there’s an entire CBT model built on that alone. It’s not something we can just grit our teeth and get through. Yet we’re constantly told to “keep doing our best,” as if toughening up against digital overload or taking a few screen breaks would magically sort everything out. And the one that really gets me? “Just stay positive,” like we can mindset-hack our way out of pressures that are baked into the system itself.

And yet;

Workplaces still use resilience to avoid changing broken systems

Some organisations still subtly imply that if employees were more resilient, they’d cope better. It shifts responsibility away from poor systems and onto the individual. But no amount of resilience can compensate for unmanageable workload, unclear expectations, or a culture of fear.

 Social media still sells us quick, unrealistic fixes

There’s no shortage of motivational quotes, morning routines and “positive vibes only” messages online. And while they’re often well-intentioned, they can end up minimising real struggle and trauma, placing pressure on people to “fix” themselves with surface-level wellness trends.

Emotional shutdown gets disguised as coping

Many people who are burnt out or struggling become numb, detached, overly independent, or robotic, and society praises it as “strength.”

But shutting down isn’t resilience, it’s the nervous system protecting you when you’ve been overwhelmed for too long.

Structural inequalities still shape who gets to be resilient

Access to support, financial stability, safe workplaces, inclusive environments, these all massively influence resilience. Pretending everyone has the same starting point ignores reality and increases pressure on those already carrying more.

The endurance model simply doesn’t fit the world we live in anymore

Our nervous systems were not built for chronic uncertainty, digital overload, or the emotional labour that comes with modern work. We can’t outrun cognitive exhaustion.
We can’t “harden up” against psychological stress.
We can’t define resilience as carrying more and more until we collapse.

Today, resilience must look different.
It must be about adaptation, recovery, connection, boundaries, compassion, and emotional agility, and not relentless endurance.

What Resilience Really Needs in 2026

We need a definition that centres humanity rather than hustle. A version of resilience that makes room for rest and boundaries. One where workplaces are genuinely supportive and flexible, and recognise the systemic challenges individuals carry. Where connection actually leads the agenda, and people are met with compassion when they hit hard times. Where we value adaptability and the courage to say, “I need a break,” instead of celebrating endless grind.

Because, actually, resilience isn’t about keeping going.
It’s about knowing when to stop, when to adapt and how to  support yourself through change, rather than abandoning yourself through the process. 

And it’s also about creating environments, especially workplaces, where resilience is possible, not demanded.